Maddison. 19 years old. Pleased to meet you. =)

Melbourne. History. Literature. Books. Music. Art. Culture. This is my mind.

Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation.
Depression is humiliating.
If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too.
Depression is humiliating.
No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.

zhoagesbearcatjesusfreak77 asked: Hahaha! I love your "make my day" thing... but that is not why I came here. I came here first to thank you for following me and to follow you, because I screwed up somewhere oops! but anyway and also I thank you for giving me that answer on my post. I hoped I was not alone!

Haha hi there =) Thanks for following back. I really like your blog, and I really liked that post that I commented on. I’ll be reading your posts from now on. I’m sure we’ll be ‘seeing’ each other again around these parts!

edit: I really meant to answer this privately but I failed at that, sorry. haha. Leaving it here so you can still see it. 

It’s 2.15am and I can’t sleep at all. I have to get up for work at 7. My sleeping pattern has been totally whacked out by the last month of stress, assessment and misc. Working 7 1/2 hours tomorrow. Would dearly value any suggestions of how to fix broken sleeping pattern!

I can always tell when you’re reading somewhere in the house, my mother used to say. There’s a special silence, a reading silence.

—Francis Spufford, The Child That Books Built: A Life in Reading (via excessivebookshelf)

(via booklover)

I think solitude is a really positive thing. I cherish solitude immensely. In today’s society, there’s so much pressure to communicate, eat out, be friends with people. Why can’t you read a book on your own? Why have you got to have a book club?

― Nicky Wire (via thesearepeopleyouknow)

(via cleonymous)

Allow me to be excited for just a moment…

Oh my goodness I love love love my wedding photographer. Every time she posts new pictures on her website I fall in love with her work a little bit more. I cannot wait for her to photograph our wedding. Yesssss.